Ok, so its the slowest sports day of the year. No Baseball, and Basketball, Hockey and Football are all out of season. Lets give out some mid-season awards, in recognition of baseball's first-half greatness. Also, I'm not here to give out the regular awards (MVP, Cy Young, ROY), because those are boring, and I agree with most experts. So, lets have some fun, and then we will get to the Anti-All-Stars.
AL LVP (Least Valuable Player): John Lackey, BOS - P. This one is pretty easy. He got a huge paycheck this offseason, and he is making 18.7 Million Dollars to have an incredibly average year. He is by far the highest paid player on the team, and the only one in the top 25 in terms of salary. So far, he is 9-5. Not bad, sure... but I'm sure Boston didn't think they would be paying him at the clip of 2 million dollars a win. He also has an ERA nearing 5.00. Good Job, Lackey, hope you still enjoy playing in a ballpark where you have traditionally struggled.
NL LVP: Carlos Zambrano, CHC - P. Also pretty easy, even though he makes less than Carlos Beltran, who is out all season with an injury, he has been far more detrimental to his team. He also makes 18.7 Million Dollars, and he has been so remarkable bad this year, that it almost seems like his dugout tantrums are the least of the Cubs worries. Why this man still has a job in that city is beyond me. Any other manager would have stopped putting up with that crap weeks ago. Hell, Mike Scioscia probably would have cut him off the team two years ago when he beat up that Gatorade machine.
The Jeff Weaver Award for Why the **** are you still pitching?!?: Scott Kazmir, LAA. Sure, he has 7 wins, but his 9 losses is among league leaders. His near 7.00 ERA is unfathomable, and his 17 home runs allowed are staggering. Also, his 71 Earned Runs are tops in the majors. His 7 wins and past success are the only things that keep him going to the mound every 5 games. The Angels need to replace him to have ANY chance at keeping up with the Rangers.
The Brandon Wood Award for Why the **** are you still playing?!?: Brandon Wood, LAA. I'm sure this comes to no shock to anyone.
The Steve Finley Award for Worst Free-Agent Pickup: Chone Figgins, SEA. I don't need to throw the stats at you, but he is hitting poorly, not getting on base, and getting caught stealing. I know everyone in town misses him dearly, and think we would be better with him, but I disagree. Its clear that he has been in a regression for the better part of 2 seasons, and this season was the full nose-dive to obscurity.
Well, as we are coming to a close for the Mid-Season Awards, let us take this time to honor the Anti-All-Stars, the worst every-day players at every position. There will be a few surprises, I promise you.
National League:
C - Yadier Molina, STL
1B - Todd Helton, COL
2B - Akinori Iwamura, PIT
3B - Pedro Feliz, HOU
SS - Brenden Ryan, STL
OF - Tony Gwynn Jr, SD
OF - Nate McClouth, ATL (DL)
OF - Ryan Church, PIT
SP - Kenshin Kawakami, ATL
CP - Chad Qualls, ARI
American League:
C - Gerald Laird, DET
1B - Garrett Atkins, BAL
2B - Gordon Beckham, CHW
3B - Brandon Wood, LAA
SS - Jason Bartlett, TB
OF - Trevor Crowe, CLE
OF - Nolan Reimold, BAL
OF - Ryan Raburn, DET
DH - Justin Smoak, SEA
SP - Scott Kazmir, LAA
CP - David Aardsma, SEA
You might notice that Yadier Molina was on both the actual All-Star Team and this fictional Anti-All-Star Team. Well, he is having a downright awful season statistically, and should have never made the All-Star Team. Way to go, America. Also, Aardsma barely edged out Fuentes for closing duties on the Anti-All-Star Team.
Also, Congratulations on two-time honorees this evening, Brandon Wood and Scott Kazmir. You are both truly special, and I can't wait for an entire second-half of watching you two struggle to play baseball.
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